Today it’s Shame in Britain Day
And we’ve festooned the town in bones,
Coachloads full of local kiddies
Are off to conquer nearby towns
Enslaving everyone - for charity!
And making sure that they record
The whole thing on our phones
And today on Shame in Britain Day
We’ll let the tyres burn
At the massacre re-enactment
Behind the Old Folk’s Home
Before cancelling Best Kept Garden
Because the best are all owned privately
And are permanently closed.
Then later on Shame in Britain Day,
We’ll chase away a frown
When we all loot the corner shop
Daub racist slogans on its awnings
Tweet death threats to our neighbours
And pelt some passing foreigners
With pocketfuls of stones
Then someone once off Crossroads
Leads the Big Blackface Parade
The WI’s Cooking With Ketamin
In the boarded up arcades
And we’ll vandalise the floral clock
Before they start the dog fights
As the closing highlight of Shame in Britain Day
And later on this evening
Inside the no-go zones
We’ll be holding a street party
Feeding babies methadone
Then get drunk and stab the vicar
Once his dad dancing, we all agree,
Starts lowering the tone.
And if anyone’s left standing
We’ll raise of a glass of soapy beer
To propose a vote of thanks
To the pushy local worthies
Who’ve packed the Shame Committee
And will fuck the whole thing up again
Just like they do each year
But not before they’ve stolen
The sponsorship money raised
From tattooing their own faces
By the local Girls Brigade
And fly-tipping on the promednade
And the Sea Cadets firebombing
The migrants’ hostel especially
For Shame in Britain Day.